Question

I was sitting at my computer a second ago with uncertainty. I felt like there was something inside of me that needed something and I couldn't quite place it. Like something wanted to get out. I tried singing. Words don't really express my feeling at this moment. What I'd really like to do is write a book, no seriously. I just don't have the energy. I'm first of all, super stressed out about the street fair that is coming up in three weeks. I did get a summer job working with teens which will look good on my resume and will mean that I actually have some experience so I don't fall flat on my back during the program or therafter. I suppose there are a few other reasons I feel funny, other than stress and sleepiness. I think I saw a dog that I owned a couple years ago and had to give away. It was rather strange. It's not completely clear if he was one in the same, but I have an itch to assume so. He didn't know me at all even though I walked within five feet of him and his new owner. She may have even said to him "Frankie" which is what I named him. Who knows. It just seems like I saw a ghost. It was surreal even if it was just a dog. Another reason is that that reminds me of my mom because I lived with her when I had him and she was right there with me the last time I saw him. What also reminds me of her is that someone only slightly related to me may die of the same disease and has a daughter much like me in the same situation. I feel almost like writing a note, but I don't know that I'd have anything to say, not really. Another reason to feel the way I do is that one of my friends thinks I'm a nag and will nag me about it like she did last night and even though we've put up the white flag it just hasn't been the same. I don't like drama between friends. I like to keep it in the family or not at all. Not at all, preferably. I also feel on the verge of having a boyfriend and yet not having one. There is no solid guy, but a bunch of pieces of them who probably are all unattracted to me. I also just saw Blood Diamond and it, in and of itself, can provide this feeling (in a good way of course since it was well done). I suppose, now that I think of it, the exact feeling that I'm having is of waking up from a dream and not remembering it at all, but feeling like you left it behind as if you should have remembered it. Trying to remember something that isn't even there. I've been reading a lot of books over the summer, as per request. I just finished The Outsiders which I oddly related to among the 5 books (not including Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince) that I read this summer and still have like 8 more to read. I thought this was a summer break. Maybe I should just go to bed, after all the Harry Potter midnight showing is tomorrow night and I may need my rest. If I was the type to have strong positive emotions, I would get enthusiastic. I'll just be quitely content, about that anyway. I'm shrieking and pulling my hair out about the other stuff, you know, inside though.