Comfort and Worries

I have now gained the exciting new ability to touch my eye with my finger and move around on the surface for minutes at a time. It comes in handy when I'm trying to put in contact lenses which I just got this last week. My time for getting both in my eyes is now down to eight minutes. It was eleven yesterday. About a half hour the day before. And the time before that it was about an hour. Improvements are good. It would frustrate me if I couldn't beat my time. I'm rather competitive in general and with myself over non-competitive things like schoolwork, driving, and doing better at dumb things than people I dislike.

My school quarter just ended and I should feel relief, but it would be short lived and I don't feel it, so oh well. I finished a big project this week and if I pass, I'll feel relief then. If I don't pass, I'll have to do it all over again and that'll bring me down pretty far to a really bad point. I might even get more zits. I get stress zits which is really helpful when I go to teach teenagers. I already look like one still. Next week I get to meet my new students. They are all twelfth graders at my alma mater. I'll be student teaching in April there until June 17th. That's a little stressful. I hope I enjoy it and don't further my self-loathing.

I need to get organized again. I've let my room fall into a bad state. I decided that the piles of books in my closet and on my desk was getting a bit out of hand, so I got rid of some old paperwork and created a fake bottom shelf of a bookcase at the foot of my bed out of small boxes. I think I have far too many books. But then again, I have way too much furniture for my bedroom. I hate living with Dad and stepmom. I want to be more independent, but I'm becoming poorer each month and am in debt. That's my goal for the year.

My stepmom had a full mastectomy over a week ago (that's where they remove your boobs). Dad is just worried about his sex life. And today my sister came out of the closet to all the grandparents and my father through an email. Too bad it coincided with the news of the break-up with her 62 year old boyfriend that way they didn't get to be happy about it (the break-up).

In other rather important news (not), my dog tried to eat a scorpion that got into the house. It was only like three inches long. It's a good thing that he's terrible at catching and/or eating bugs or rodents or really any predator. We haven't had a scorpion in the house yet, so that's exciting. Dad's so funny, he threatened to put in my bed for not bringing him the correct utensils for capturing it to get it outside. I hate it when he's dumb.

I guess the 'comfort' part of this post is rather odd. My brother's best friend and one of my dad's employees and I take 'comfort in each other,' as he calls it which is a fancy way of saying using each other. He doesn't like that term. He is commitment-phobic and wants to be single. He also thinks his friendship with my brother couldn't take us really dating. And plus he says he only likes me as a friend. I can sort of buy it. It's just funny because we hold hands in public, cuddle when we're alone, and just in general touch each other in a million small ways whenever we see each other. He says he needs the affection and I do too. I feel slightly guilty about it, but since I am really lonely and I am not independent like I seem, I do need him too. We only hang out once, maybe twice a week and it's never going to be a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. I think that's what I really need. Someone more consistent and who actually wants me. But that'll have to wait because that guy doesn't exist for me yet.

And most important of all, I have upped my ping pong game.

P.S. I haven't done my taxes yet.